1/3 Baked Ideas

The computer that is my brain never stops working. Even when I want it to power down for a little bit it keeps on whirring. Only through copious amounts of alcohol can I even slow it down. For all the times this is annoying, occasionally it yields interesting results. These results are my 1/3 baked ideas. For those of you new or unfamiliar, these are ideas which are not quite good enough to be half baked. Today you are getting 1/3 more of my 1/3 baked ideas. For you without calculators, that's 4. These come completely from my own brain. Any resemblance to any other ideas, past or present, is merely coincidental.

Idea 1. I love Twitter. I try to tweet every so often without being obnoxious about it. I also follow a lot of other people who are tweeting. I enjoy reading what they have to say and appreciate the updates. Unless it is an update on something that is on TV which has not yet aired on the west coast. Last night I checked my phone and saw there was a text message from twitter. I pressed OK to read it and the yet-to-be-aired results of Dancing With the Stars (I'll admit I watch it. I am not ashamed.) hit me in the face like a Manny Pacquiao right hand. The time was 8:26 PDT when I read the message and the final results show would not begin to air for another 34 minutes. I know people are eager to give congratulations for great achievements (or not so great achievements) but can this wait until everyone has had a chance to see it?

I propose that individuals not be allowed to tweet results of awards shows, competitions, etc. that have yet to air in their entirety on the west coast. Anyone caught violating this rule more than once will have their twitter account suspended. I should not have to forsake all contact with my cell phone for an entire evening so results are not spoiled for me. Thanks in advance.

Idea 2. The NFL, in its quest to make not just other worldly money but rather ungodly money, is throwing around the idea of extending the regular season from 16 to 18 games. More games means more revenue. This is a terrible idea. There are already so many players who get hurt during the course of playing 16 games of such a fast, violent sport. What do you suppose will happen if you make these tired, weary players play 2 more games? Fewer injuries? I don't think so. If the NFL wants to make more money without putting their players (without whom nobody would get all of this revenue) at risk here is what it needs to do.

The regular season is 17 weeks long currently. The extra week is because each team gets a bye week at some point during the season. What if the NFL just extended the regular season by one week and gave each team an extra bye week? Every team would play on the first week of the season and the last week of the season. Then each team would receive a bye in the first half of the season and the second half of the season. This would mean that 4 teams would have a bye each week. The same number of games would be played as before but revenue would be increased in two ways.

First, revenue would increase directly because the league could negotiate slightly higher TV rights contracts due to the extra week of football. Indirectly, revenue would increase because players would be better rested and less prone to injury. Viewership is up when key players are healthy and playing instead of injured. Also, with players having more time to rest, the quality of play will increase slightly, making the games more fun to watch and garnering higher ratings, which will lead to increased TV rights money and higher advertising dollars. The league gets more money and the players do not need to play any extra games. Win-win.

Idea 3. A couple days ago I got a paper cut at the very top of my finger, right by the edge of my fingernail. A traditional band-aid will not work because if you place it over the top of your finger, it will not stay on. Wrapping it around the finger at the top will keep it on but the paper cut is slightly exposed. Why can't we have a band aid that goes on kind of like a thimble, covering the entire top of the finger so that the wound can be completely covered. At the top of the bandage would be the antiseptic pad and the bottom would be sticky so it can adhere to the finger tightly all the way around. Problem solved.

Idea 4. We all have either played Rock Band or watched somebody play. We stand, mouth agape, in awe of someone playing at 100%. We laugh at that same person who has had too much to drink and cannot play nearly as well. Wouldn't you like to see this side by side? I propose a new web series that will show people doing the same things both sober and intoxicated. Imagine seeing a video of someone playing Rock Band. The camera looks over the shoulder as the same song is played sober and drunk so you can see the person racking up points on one side, messing up constantly on the other. We could expand this to other endeavors. How about sober vs. drunk free throw shooting? Or bike riding? (Without cars around and while wearing a helmet of course) How fun would it be to see highlights of someone taking an SAT exam sober vs. drunk and seeing how much more poorly they score drunk? Could someone do these things better while drunk? I think it would make for good entertainment. The possibilities are endless. Like you wouldn't watch this?

Those are the results of this week's endless thought. I'd like to think some of these ideas might work in a parallel universe. It's a shame my brain isn't wired to think about social problems or physics. Alas.

Even More 1/3 Baked Ideas

By now you are familiar with my 1/3 baked ideas. These are ideas which come to me and are not quite good enough to be half-baked. Two of today's ideas are sports related so if you quiver at the sight of a baseball, look away now.

The first idea I had involved how baseball teams select their pitching rotations. Usually, the idea is to have your best pitcher pitch in as many games as possible; therefore the best pitcher starts opening day and pitches every fifth game until the season is over. The second-best pitcher pitches the second game and so on. Virtually every team does this. Often, teams will set their pitching orders near the end of the season to have their best pitchers pitch in crucial games to make the playoffs or will arrange pitchers to prepare for the playoffs.

Why not take advantage of this? Instead of putting your teams number 1 pitcher against your opponent's number 1 pitcher or number 2 against number 2, why not stagger your pitchers? Pitch your worst pitcher against the other team's best. You will probably lose but it sets up the rest. Your number 1 goes against their number 2, your number 2 against their number 3, etc. Unless you are facing a team with 5 amazing pitchers, your team stands to have the best pitcher 4 out of 5 games. Suppose you are only able to win 3 of those 4 in which you have the pitching advantage. Even if you lose the game in which the advantage belongs to your opponent, you will still win 60% of the time. That equates to 97 wins which will almost certainly get you into the playoffs in most every year.

As the season progresses teams lose pitchers to injuries or rearrange their pitchers to accommodate days off. A team can do the same based on their upcoming opponent's pitching rotation. In most games you will have the better starting pitcher and this can equal more wins every year in a league where every win matters.

Idea number two also involves sports, but this time football. Everyone is familiar with a two-way mirror. The idea is that you can see through from one side of the glass but the person on the other side sees only a mirrored image. In football, many players have a tinted shield over their eyes to cut down on glare, but often times it is so the opponent cannot see which way they are looking. A quarterback's eyes often give away where he is going to throw the ball. Defensive players often intercept the ball because they track which way the quarterback is moving. Currently quarterbacks do not typically wear any sort of shield covering the eyes as it may produce glare or prevent the quarterback from seeing something. Why not develop an eye shield which utilizes two-way mirror technology in a form that wouldn't shatter and potentially cause an eye injury? How much would this be worth to a team pulling in hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue every year? It would allow the quarterback to scan the field as he chooses and not have to worry about defenders reading where he is going to throw the ball.

My third idea for today involves the delicate intricacies of marriage. Guys hate it when women nag. Women nag because most guys don't hear or understand the first time. There are many types of "grams"; candygrams, telegrams with a song. I suggest a new version: the Nag-o-gram. This involves hiring a gorgeous woman to come to the house under some pretense (while the wife is home of course) and do a little flirting with the guy while delivering a message about an opportunity for improvement. Something along the lines of "I love it when guys wear nice jeans instead of dirty sweat pants." Instead of losing points with your man by nagging him, score some points by livening up his day while subtly delivering a targeted message. Men will do anything if they think it will make hot women want them. Here's a way to convince them. You can even choose a woman based on the man's type. Sounds like a win-win to me.

Stay tuned for more 1/3 baked ideas. You never know when they'll pop out the oven prematurely.

More 1/3 Baked Ideas

A little while back I wrote about a few 1/3 baked ideas I had. These are ideas that are not quite good enough to be 1/2 baked. Here are a few more which came straight from my brain. Results may vary.

A little while ago I was watching someone eat a Drumstick ice cream treat. As delicious as the whole thing is, my favorite part of the Drumstick is the very last bite; the bottom of the cone containing a thick layer of chocolate and a small bit of the remaining ice cream. From the moment I first bite into the top I can think of nothing else besides treating myself to that delectable combination of waffle cone, chocolate and vanilla ice cream (Caramel Drumsticks do not apply). It almost feels like I am cheating on the rest of the Drumstick by dreaming of another. Then I got to one of my more dangerous activities, which is thinking. What if they put out a version of Drumsticks where that last bite was all there was? It would just be a bin, a la Dibs, full of frozen Drumstick bottoms: tip of the waffle cone, thick layer of chocolate inside and just a bit of vanilla ice cream. Then I wouldn't have to eat the rest of the Drumstick while dreaming about the bottom. Heavenly deliciousness.

A few days back I heard a report on a local FM radio show I was forced to listen to at work regarding celebrity look alikes. These were not cheesy lounge performers mind you, rather these were sperm donors who look like celebrities so women can have children that look like they could be the offspring of said famous persons. This idea is quite creepy so naturally I had to draw it out to its furthest creepy extent. What if instead of getting the sperm of a celebrity look alike you could get the actual sperm or DNA of a celebrity? You want a baby from George Clooney? No need to have sex with him, just get a hold of a sample of his sperm and start having some of the best looking kids on the planet. Love Brad Pitt? Get a sample of his DNA and hire a shady lab outside the U.S. to clone him. My idea is to have a service by which one would procure said sperm and DNA samples from celebrities and sell them to potential stalkers, um, I mean really huge fans. A collection of good looking women surely could wrangle a sample or two from the best genetic specimens Hollywood and professional sports have to offer. It can all be done from other countries to get around the pesky U.S. legal system. Are there women who would pay into the six figure range to have a child that looks like their favorite stud? You know there are.

Those are my new 1/3 baked ideas. Check back for more ideas not good enough to be 1/2 baked at a later time when my brain sinks to depths which are more and more depraved.

Thanks for reading and big balls.

1/3 Baked Ideas

As you'll see on my links one of my favorite media personalities is ESPN Sports Guy Bill Simmons. On his podcasts he has on a gentleman by the name of Kevin Wildes who is famous for his "half-baked ideas". With all due to respect to Mr. Wildes I am listing a few ideas which are a little short of half-baked. I'll call them 1/3 baked ideas.

First 1/3 baked idea: a new concept in restaurants. We all enjoy a fresh, hot, homemade meal. Shoving forkful after forkful of delicious, steaming food into our mouths is the epitome of a good time for about 95.78% of us. But even better, I would say, is reheating the leftovers the next day. Whether it is pasta with red sauce, pizza, meatloaf or turkey, the food only gets better with a night's refrigeration. Why not extend this comfort food to eating out? I propose that there be a restaurant entirely devoted to serving leftovers. Food is prepared thoroughly one day, refrigerated overnight, and then reheated upon a customer's order. The food is delicious, comforting, the wait times for meals is minimal and naturally would cost a bit less than a freshly made meal. Tell me you wouldn't take a huge plate of meatloaf and mashed potatoes leftovers over a large sized combo meal for fast food. I know you would.

Second 1/3 baked idea: getting every single person I graduated high school with as a friend of Facebook. The idea is to reach out to a few people that I knew well in high school and connect with them. Hopefully each one is connected with someone I didn't know and can get them added, then that person is connected to others and so on. I can also search for others on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc. Hopefully they will enjoy the appeal of the project and will agree to go along with it. This could be difficult because some will not be on these sites and I will have to try to get others to get them online. I could even have to switch everyone over to a different type of site later on if this takes a while. I could always chronicle this to put together something at the end. The possibilities are endless.

Third 1/3 baked idea (that sounded weird to say it): I will begin to attempt to lose some weight, tone up and get healthier. I will also chronicle the journey in great detail. List what I eat, document my workout regimen and also generally describe my emotions and preparation for what I am doing. I believe this would work best as a real time chronicle. I don't think I have what it takes to create a website but perhaps a blog dedicated to this purpose alone which would be updated daily. I've got to believe that while reading it every day would prove tiresome, to check in from time to time to see how I am doing would be interesting. I also believe that regardless of what the outcome would be, it would be fascinating to see the final result and look back to see what the reasons behind the success or failure would be. This would also make a good compilation after the fact.

These are my three current 1/3 baked ideas. I would definitely pursue all of these at some point in my life, if not right now. After reading this please give me your feedback on what you think of these ideas and the odds that any of them would be interesting and would work on any type of commercial level. Ask your friends to read this too. I'd be interested to hear a variety of opinions on the subject.

Hai Majide